While I would love to only fill the pages of this blog with pretty and fun inspirational content, the truth is there is real life happening behind the scenes that cannot be hidden. I feel it’s necessary to share my personal story with you, that will explain the days when I’m MIA on this blog or social media.
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. -1 THESSALONIANS 5:18
The word THANKFUL comes to me every morning when I wake and every evening before I close my eyes. From the smallest things to the biggest. Even in the midst of dealing years with this awful cancer – in spite of the ache, in spite of the pain, I am still thankful for my health because while it sucks, I know I could be dealing with much, much worse. Surviving ovarian cancer for me is to take all the good days and do all the things I love and create new experiences as well as re-creating the old. If there are bad days, I pray on it and ask the Lord to get me through it. Having supportive family, friends, and loved ones definitely gives me strength and for that, I’m thankful. People I don’t even know on a personal level, like my readers and my instagram followers have been so kind sending me well wishes, telling me they are praying for me daily – it touches my heart more than you will ever know. In return of such kindness, I ask God daily to bless them all.
Despite whichever day I am faced with, I live in the moment and keep it in my memory bank with my other happy moments because I can’t get that day back and well tomorrow….you just never know. Everything in life is temporary, you just got to enjoy moments as you have them. A cheerful heart is good medicine!
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – ISAIAH 41:10
It’s been a while since I’ve updated you on my current health condition and how the cancer trial treatments I was on since June has been going. If you are new to the blog, you can read all about my cancer journey by clicking the links, noted at the end of this post. Just to recap the last several months, in the month of May after undergoing a CT scan, I was told that my tumors are appearing to be more aggressive and it was time to think about chemo as hormonal therapy was no longer an option that was working for me at this time. Mind you, I’ve been on different kinds of hormonal therapies since 2010 (after my initial diagnosis in 2006) which has been successful in keeping my cancer stable, up until year 2016 and 2017 when I had recurrences of disease.
Fast forward to early June, I asked my Oncologist if there were any trials available to me. It took a few days before it was confirmed whether one was available or not, so I spent those days praying for the Lord to guide me in making the right decision. I said to myself if there is an Immunotherapy Clinical Trial that is available to me, I will take that as a sign. Low and behold, I received a call that one was available! I was so relieved to be able to participate in this trial. This trial included two different drugs and the possible side effects did scare me but I decided to move forward.
Living my daily life on this trial has definitely been a rollercoaster ride, to say the least. I was told that out of all the patients within this hospital, I was the one who experienced all of the possible side effects…’of course I did’, I told myself! From headaches that felt like I cracked my skull and body aches – similar to flu-like symptoms, to rashes and an itch that felt like I had chicken pox was so irritating and debilitating, at times. Not to mention that I lost function to my thyroid and now have to be on medication for the rest of my life. While, I realize that many people have thyroid issues, I was hoping I was not going to be affected. This caused me to feel soooo tired. Feeling fatigued was my new normal for several weeks. Another side effect? Why yes….one of my weekly blood test results showed that my liver was inflamed and I had to get on steroids. Well, that was quite an experience! I had so much energy, I found myself cleaning constantly, creating posts for the blog, and doing things I earlier did not have the strength for. Oh, but when it was time to wean off the steroids, I was back to feeling like a slow, tired old turtle. Please, don’t think I’m implying trial treatments are not worth it or don’t work, it’s in my family DNA that if something is “rare” or “uncommon”, best believe the Lopez girls are going to experience it!
A few weeks ago, I had a CT scan to see how my tumors were looking and I was heartbroken when I learned that my tumors grew slightly. It was already discussed that if the results were not positive, I would need to proceed with chemo. After discussing my case with my doctor, she suggested that I give the trial drugs one more try by receiving one more infusion. Since there was a lapse in infusion due to me having to be on steroids, I really didn’t get a good enough cycles. What stuck in my head is when the doctor said: chemo will always be there for you – trials will not always. So, I decided to keep moving with the trial, in hopes that the next scan will show improvement.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. -JOSHUA: 1:9
Last week, I went in for my fourth infusion that only included one of the trial drugs. Approximately an hour into the infusion, I started feeling a persistent itch on my back. Come to find out, I had developed hives from a reaction to the drug. That turned into my blood pressure coming down considerably, I had horrific chills that had my teeth chatter uncontrollably (hence why I am wrapped up like a burrito). At that point, they stopped the infusion. I was medicated and felt so drowsy that I was pretty much incoherent. I was sent on a stretcher to the main hospital and was later admitted. I spent five days in the hospital as doctors were trying to figure out what happened and exactly where it stemmed from. A CT scan showed something was going on with my lung. I won’t go into other specifics but was finally released.
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass”. – PSALM 37:5
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. -MATTHEW 11:28
This past Monday, I went for my weekly check-up, had my blood work done and was later notified that my liver had inflamed (again) to a concerning level and therefore, I have to be treated again with more steroids but, this time for a longer period. It was recommended that due to all the toxicities I endured and the results of my liver – the risk outweigh the benefit of continuing with the trial. Later that afternoon, I met with my medical oncologist who said it is time to proceed with chemo treatments. I have to give my body some rest, finish the steroid dose and wein off period and in about 2-months I will be starting chemo. While I had mentally prepared for this for a couple of months now, the reality of it hit me while sitting in the doctor’s offices and I just broke down. The last time I had chemo treatments was 10-years ago. It’s an experience I am all to familiar with and knowing what to expect is what has me uneasy…back to fighting yet another war – a war of unwanted cells trying to attack me and have me fall.
“You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth”. -Evan Esar
I will see the light again, no matter how dark it may seem right now. I went from walking one road to now stepping onto another. I am preparing myself spiritually to have the courage and the fight within me to kick this cancer’s ass! But I do envision myself coming out of this a winner, a survivor!
Be present, friends. Live your life. Take time from your daily routine and add a little of the unexpected, be spontaneous!
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. -PSALM 5:3
It’s ironic that anytime a major situation occurs with my illness, it’s during the fall season that lasts way into the winter. Odd but as we change seasons, I look at it as my body and mind is changing for anew. All I can do is to keep positive, be brave, and most importantly have faith that while following God, he is walking with me hand-in-hand and saying to me…I got this!
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. -PSALM 32:8
Living with cancer and trying to survive it is a tremendous challenge that you can only control parts of. To say I don’t worry about my future, would be a lie. However, I’ve been conscious in discipling my mind to bring the Lord all of my needs, hopes and fears – to commit everything into his care. I’ve experienced less anxiety by turning the path of planning to the path of peace.
I will end with this…She is clothed with strength and ignite; she can laugh at the days to come. -PROVERBS 31:25
My cancer journey…
Surviving Cancer with love and faith
Celebrating Life (even) with Cancer
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