“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this, and after this. Sometimes you can feel such a moment coming. That’s the test, or so I tell myself. I tell myself that at times like that, strong people keep moving forward anyway, no matter what they’re going to find.”
–John Hobbes, Fallen
If you’re a follower on my Instagram feed, you may have already read this post and therefore, have been updated on my life lately. But if you haven’t, last week was a big week for not only me but it included my spouse as well. Our personal life for the next several months would have changed, based the on the results of last week’s CT scan. If you are new to my blog, you can read this post that will explain my story here today. We were already prepared to find out that the results of the CT was not going to be good news and would have to proceed with chemo. We had already prepared mentally for this and all that follows when going through the treatment process (I even chopped my hair off). This explains why I didn’t get around to posting much on the blog, but you know what, that’s okay because “life happens”.
Excerpt from Insta feed post…
I woke up this morning and like I always do, I sat quietly and prayed. As of late, I haven’t asked Jesus to cure me of cancer. I didn’t pray against chemo, I didn’t ask for a miracle or request his mercy in having the results of yesterday’s CT scan show my tumors are dormant or they shrunk. Instead, I said that I trust in the plans he has for me because whatever happens, I believe he has my best interest at heart. I have faith in the path he has laid out for me. Leaving the decision up to him, left me with no expectation, it left me feeling at peace. Earlier this morning, we sat in the hospital patient waiting room and saw my oncologist walk by, she stopped and said “your scan is good.” I couldn’t believe what I heard! Out of 8 tumors, 4 decreased in size, 3 are unchanged, and 1 slightly increased. We will pause on chemo, I will continue taking the hormonal pill they gave me after the clinical trial and we will have a CT scan in another 3-months for follow up. I bowed my head and gave thanks and praise….”
My oncologist doesn’t know what may have contributed to the positive results of the CT scan but like she said…“We will take it”! Could it be one or both of the clinical trial drugs I be treated with, even though I wasn’t able to complete the duration of treatment? Was it the hormonal drug I’ve been taking after being removed from the clinical trial? Was it because my prayers and that of others were answered? Was it a combination of one or more of those things? We will never know. But what I do know, is not to question it but to be thankful and continue praying and keeping the faith.
“I am so very Thankful. I am so incredibly Grateful. I am so unbelievably Blessed.”
After hearing such great, yet surprising news based on all that we’ve been through in the recent months, my spouse and I decided to have an early dinner and celebrate! As we were seated at our table in the restaurant, we looked at each other, held hands and simultaneously blurted out…“I can’t believe it!” God has given us three months! Three months of not being sick with chemo treatments, three months of not having to travel hours for treatments, three months of getting to enjoy the upcoming holidays. Three months of moving forward with a few plans we put on the back burner. Our waitress noticed our excitement and my spouse shared the news with her. She congratulated us and after dinner, she brought out our dessert with a lit candle. We thought that was so very kind of her and such a simple, yet thoughtful act to add a candle that commemorates a day worth celebrating! Oh, and we weren’t charged for the dessert either! #actsofkindness
Love is, my rock in a crisis.
It’s been over 12 years now that I’ve been surviving and living with cancer and over the years, I’ve come to realize that all the medicine, treatments and surgeries, are just buying me more time. More time of life to live. While I wish I was in remission and disease free, I am thankful for the time I am given. During this upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, this is one of the most things I am thankful for. That is not all though, I am most thankful for my spouse, who is my rock. I am blessed with a partner who countless times, without reservations, has and is there for me in every which way – no questions, no complaints. No matter what trials we encounter, countless times, I feel loved and supported – always. We have intimate discussions where we share with each other what is on our mind, what we are feeling, what we want to express and a couple of times, I found myself apologizing for my health as I realize it can feel like a burden and overwhelming. I am reminded by my spouse that we are in this together and I am promised a lifetime of unconditional love, without hesitation. I am also reminded of the vows that was spoken to me. Some of those continued words of promises… “I will protect you and stand strong for you. Our life before this day and after will overcome any struggles, fight any battle, and always believe that better days are waiting for us.” To keep the faith that God is always with us and with God on our side, we will win. My story is your story and together, we are love. My spouse is my place of comfort and calm, my “person”, my best friend. We find strength in one another and we continue to grow, side-by-side.
I’m also very thankful to close friends and family members who have continually prayed for me and for my online community who I am humbled by, have shared inspiring and uplifting words of encouragement, and messages of prayers.
For anyone battling cancer or if you know of someone who is, don’t give up the fight. Cancer shall just be a chapter in our life, NOT our story!
xo
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