Yes! Today is my birthday and I couldn’t be happier…even with what I am going through.
As I reflect on the past seven months, I recall the first day of the new year and waking up in our own bed after spending three months between NY and NJ for a surgery I underwent. You can read more about that and my journey in this post. To return to a place you call home, to all familiar things, smells, and glimpses of happy memories as you look around. All of that brung me a smile to my face..all of which gave me a sense of normalcy from all that I had endured prior to.
The next couple of months thereafter were spent recovering and coming to grips with what my “new normal” is and dealing with the emotions that come along with not feeling like your old self, pre-surgery. My new normal consists of daily naps and not being able to function like I used to. Gone are the days when I could tackle cleaning the house in one afternoon. Now, I’m lucky if I can get through cleaning two rooms in the house without exhausting myself. Whenever I over exert myself and by that I mean, doing too much moving around, frequently going up and downstairs, walking a lot…these everyday movements are now a challenge for me. I have to conserve my energy otherwise, I can burn myself out quickly, develop cramping and discomfort. When this occurs, I then have to take medicine and lay down for 20-30 minutes in order for my body to relax so that I can continue doing other things that are not so strenuous to my body. I am reminded of this daily and there are days when I am emotionally frustrated at what my ‘new normal’ is.
From the outside, I look just fine. You know the saying…”Look Good, Feel Good”? Well, that is what I do to maintain my “old self”. I put on my makeup, style my hair, and look the part of a healthy woman. But inside, I’m not so healthy. I recently found out that after having 12 cancerous tumors removed last year November, I now have three areas of disease I need to be concerned with…so here we go again! If you follow me on instagram, you may recall when I posted this caption where I expressed how I celebrate all of life’s joys and how I go on with my everyday. It really helps me to put focus on things that make me happy, things I want to continue to do and pursue. Doing this keeps me in a positive mindset so that I am not constantly thinking about the negative and putting me in a place of sadness. Despite my health, everyday I find joy (big or small) and love that I get to share it with the one I love. I’ve been very blessed this year where God made something very special happen for me – I hope to share this with you soon, in another post.
This Thursday I am to undergo a procedure in order to kill one of the tumors that is the largest in size and appears to be more aggressive than the other two. What’s my birthday wish, you wonder? Well, it doesn’t come wrapped in a box tied with a pretty ribbon. Nope my birthday wish is not something one can buy or make. If every birthday candle brought me a new wish, I would repeat my wish for good health.
Go ahead – celebrate your life, your heart, and the everyday joys!
-Photos by Design by Occasion
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